In recent days, Nick Carter has opened up about the drug addiction that nearly ended his life as he promotes new memoir Facing The Music And Living To Talk About It.
On Monday, the teen heartthrob returned to talk show Dr Phil - where he was originally encouraged to write the book - for a candid chat addressing the downward spiral that he's finally come out the other side of.
But while the 33-year-old is thanking his lucky stars he found the strength and will to survive, sadly, the same can't be said for his younger sister Leslie - a tragic fact that still haunts him.
The bubbly blonde lost her battle with drug addiction in February 2012, aged just 25 - a tragic turn of events Nick says he blames himself for.
Recalling that fateful day all too clearly, the Backstreet Boys star simply describes it as 'horrific'.
'There's definitely a part of me that did blame myself,' he told the psychologist, adding that he always felt tremendous responsibility as the eldest of the family's five siblings.
The singer dedicates his biography to the memory of his beloved sister, whom he says his parents unsuccessfully attempted to have diagnosed with bipolar disorder for years.
Admitting that he still feels a lot of blame over her apparent accidental overdose, he acknowledges that there comes a point where he has to move on for the sake of his remaining siblings.
'It was tough. You have to find a way to move on as well as take care of your family at the same time.'
Nick admits he always had a troubled relationship with his sister and sadly reveals that he had been forced to distance himself from her in recent months prior to her death both for his own wellbeing and hers, as each fought to overcome their demons.
However, these actions led to his family turning on him, blaming him for Leslie's death.
According to the star, his family believes Leslie would still be alive today if Nick had been there for her more.
A clearly heartbroken Nick fought back the tears as he explained, 'I thought that was unfair. There comes a point where you have to ask yourself if you're hurting them or helping them [by being around].'
On the day of her funeral, Nick didn't have the strength to attend as he continued to feel pressure and hatred on the behalf of his family - specifically his father, Bob, with whom he always had a contentious relationship.
'The reason I did not go... I started to get blamed by the rest of the family for her death,' the singer reveals.
'It has been toxic,' he adds of his relationship with his family ever since. 'The communication is something I'm still trying to work on by going to therapy.'
Asked by Dr Phil whether or not he believes Leslie's overdose was intentional, Nick struggles to answer.
'It's really hard to... I didn't know the details that much and she did die in my father's house,' he begins. 'I knew she was using.
'Leslie and I had a very hard relationship our whole life.
'I wanted nothing but the best for my sister. When it happened, I lay on my shower floor for hours, torn, because I wanted to go to her funeral so badly. It was really tough for me.'
The 33-year-old says his issues with his father stemmed from his musical success at such a young age, after which he more or less stepped into the role of provider for his family.
'It was just the way my household was with my father: he was a dominating personality. He led by fear... I believe you should lead with love.
'I always had a lot of pressure when it came to my siblings. I became the father... I was making more money that my father did at the age of 14 or 15. I became the provider.'
So when younger brother Aaron entered rehab reportedly for his own substance abuse issues in 2011, Nick was right by his side.
'When my brother entered rehab, I took him there - myself and my fiancée, Lauren,' he told Dr Phil.
He believes the siblings' childhood has a lot to do with the fact that three of the five Carter kids ended up in and out of rehab battling various addictions.
He says, 'The reality of the situation... it stemmed from my household.'
Nick himself struggled with addiction for years - revealing in his biography that his troubles began at the tender age of two and his all-time low came after his DUI arrest in 2005.
But what turned things around for the star was wanting to be 'a better example' - to his siblings and his millions of fans.
'I took a look in the mirror and I didn't recognise my face. I didn't know who I was anymore,' he recounts. 'I remember thinking, "This isn't who I want to be. This isn't who I deserve to be." I made the decision not to live in depression; to fight it.'
The star is now happier and healthier than he's been in years, and as well as being engaged to long-time love Lauren Kitt and writing new music and touring with the Backstreet Boys, he's also working on a movie project, titled Evil Blessing, as well as a new reality show.
'That's the exciting part about life: you can turn around and realise what you're capable of doing.'
In the candid, no-holds-barred tell-all, which Dr Phil encourages parents and kids alike to read, the Backstreet Boy delves deep into his own dark past.
He writes that he believes his parents’ dependence on alcohol led to his addiction first to drinking and later to drugs - including cocaine, Ecstasy and prescription painkillers.
In new excerpts from the tome, obtained by RadarOnline, Nick recounts a story which saw him trying alcohol for the first time when he was still crawling at his parents' bar below their apartment.
‘Family legend has it that when I was two years old, I crawled into one of the Yankee Rebel’s liquor storage rooms where I was caught drinking for the first time,’ he recounts. ‘My parents always laughed at that. I laughed too, for a while, and then I didn’t laugh at it anymore.’
Nick claims his mother and father also drank heavily - seemingly caused by money worries - and says he started drinking himself when he was still a teenager.
He explains: 'My parents …always stressed about money, which is another reason they turned to alcohol so much.
‘I began drinking heavily in my teens and then moved on to drugs at eighteen or nineteen, starting with marijuana and moving up to cocaine, Ecstasy and prescription painkillers among other substances.’
While his fellow bandmates tried, without success, to intervene, Nick, 33, blames the crowd he was hanging out with for his out-of-control behaviour.
‘My life plummeted to an all-time low,’ he says. ‘We’d chug beers and pound down shot after shot until we reached the semi-comatose state where the alcohol made us sleepy and lethargic. Then we’d do a bump of cocaine for an energy boost.
‘My crowd made partying an extreme sport. We repeated that binge and bump cycle night after night.’
'When you're vulnerable and looking for love, you fall into it. I fell into that party scene in Hollywood, Los angeles pretty hard,' he admitted to Dr Phil on Monday's show.
Nick’s drinking got so bad that he was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, a weakening of the heart, and eventually realised he had to change his ways.
‘I drank, did drugs, and partied until I was paralyzed and passed out [after the diagnosis],’ he reveals. ‘I woke up in a hotel room with my head pounding so hard I couldn’t focus my eyes. … My heart was pounding so loud, I thought someone was at the door. I decided my body was trying to get me to pay attention one last time. … It was change or die.’
While Nick admits he still slips up when it comes to alcohol, he is happier and healthier than ever and looking forward to tying the knot with his fiancée, Lauren Kitt - which will be featured on the couple's upcoming reality TV show.
He says, 'I’m not perfect now. I still slip up when it comes to drinking. But I’m alive and great things have happened for me in the last few years.'
Nick has previously partially blamed ex-girlfriend Paris Hilton for his wild ways, saying the party-loving socialite, whom he dated from 2003 to 2004, was a bad influence.
'Paris was the worst person in the world for me to hook up with,' he writes in the memoir, seen in excerpts obtained by RadarOnline.com.
He alleges that the former reality star, who was famously arrested for cocaine possession in 2010, 'fed my worst impulses as far as partying.'
Nick says that during the time he was dating Paris, things got so bad that it 'could've ended in tragedy'.
He also lifts the lid on the extent to which he indulged, revealing that some nights he would drink an entire bottle of vodka.
'...during the height of my problems, I did Ecstasy, cocaine and drank a large bottle of vodka a night,' he reveals.
The pop star says he mostly regrets doing Ecstasy, and believes that it was the amphetamine that caused the bouts of depression he now suffers from.
'The amount I did caused changes to my brain that are responsible for my bouts of depression now,' he writes.
Originally posted by Daily Mail
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